Embracing the uncertainty and taking charge of my life
As some of you already know, I've been on a cruise ship for 6 months acting, singing, dancing in a Bollywood, Broadway Musical called Balle Balle.
Having done this project before, the rehearsals 2 months before the show were fairly easy breezy.
I am a singer first, actor close second and a dancer third. Not having moved much during the last two years and gained some weight, I had a lot of "ring rust" and really suffered with mobility and stamina in the initial months.
Talking about suffering, the cruise ship would take passengers to Goa, Lakshadweep, Cochi, Diu. There were 3 day, 5 day, 2 day cruises. Unfortunately for us, we were part of the 'crew' and even though we were vaccinated and had a host of privileges, we could not get off the ship.
Imagine being a zoo animal in a 3 star facility with 300-400 crew members and 1200-2000 guests/spectators coming in daily and watching you perform. And this cycle repeats itself for 6 months.
Okay, too dramatic? So, you get meals - breakfast, lunch and dinner BUT designated hours - 6:30-9:30 am, 12-2 pm, 6-9 pm at night.
You'd be allowed to roam about BUT not anywhere near guest areas WHICH encompasses 95% of the ship.
You are allotted crew cabins which are like sleeper cabins in trains and buses with bunk beds and washrooms slightly bigger than port-a-potty's.
You get internet BUT you have to pay 3 dollars or 270 rupees INR for speeds that belong to the 1970s.
You get alcohol to unwind at the end of the day BUT only two beers AND you pay for them.
You had a gym BUT so small and low slung that you could barely do much.
And the biggest similarity - you get to go to all these beautiful locations BUT NEVER GET OFF!
Okay, it really wasn't all bad.
I was getting fitter every day.
No complaints really with the food that was offered.
I was the lead actor in the biggest most entertaining theatre play most people had seen, not just on the ship, but in their entire lives.
Every day I was growing as an actor, as a dancer, improving as a musician.
BUT...
I also got COVID.
I was isolated for 8 days, 4 of which in a closed room with no sunlight, no idea if it's day or night, food being served by aliens-like PPE kit wearing crew members (god bless them).
And then when I finally came out, Omicron had broken out and we were all stranded on high seas for 50 days with minimum food, alcohol, water, etc.
There was nothing happening. No internet. No phone calls. You were forced to find new things to do to NOT go crazy. I took to reading, learning new instruments, writing songs, writing melodies, writing novels/scripts, spending insane hours at the gym.
BUT the monotony slowly starts to chip away at you. You miss them friends, your family, your music, your gigs, travel, your cities (Delhi and Mumbai are both home), your coffee, your salads, your burgers, your pizzas, your late night drives, your parties, YOUR LIFE.
You don't practice because there is no gig happening in the near future. You don't audition because there is no tv serials, web series, movie, ad that you're shooting for.
BUT what a high when you see your ad on the crew mess telly. AND everyone has seen it before you can actually appreciate your work.
When a friend, someone you've looked up to, shout out to Jimmy Felix, comes and performs on your ship and calls you on and asks you to share the stage with you.
When your mum n dad join you on a 5 day cruise - eat food with you, chill on deck 10 with you, lose money on the Blackjack table, workout, laugh, live and cry with you, witness all the guests praising you.
EVERY TIME guests would come and shower you with compliments, kids wanting to be like you, grown ups in awe of you, more than me, they would feel so proud.
The days you fought sickness, the day you fought a broken bruised leg to go up on stage and dance and act and live on that stage - I felt I'd unlocked a new level and had changed forever.
Sharing a room with a fellow actor, celebrating birthdays in tiny rooms, singing at the Diwali party, singing for Lata ji, eating smuggled food. I most definitely had it easier than most on that ship.
The bonds I shared, the people I touched, the laughs, the jubilations, the shows we watched together multiple times, interacting and trying to understand more about people, their lives, etc.
People from north, south, east, west. People from Nepal, Indonesia, Bulgaria, Russia, Georgia, Ukraine. Growing as an artist, developing resilience.
There is a lot that I'm grateful for.
I have only gratitude towards all the people, the management, the staff, my crew, my company, my guests, my employers.
But there is so much living I need to do. So many places to travel, so many more lives to touch, so much more to grow, so many dreams to fulfil.
And with those dreams, come the nightmares, the triumphs with the downfalls, the hearty laughs with the heartaches.
But that is living. And that is what I've been doing since the time I've gotten off.
Waking up at odd hours, riding to Blue Tokai from where I write this. Travelling to Mumbai for meetings, for gigs.
Vacationing to 'Leh-Ladakh' today to witness the most beautiful place on earth.
Dancing, boxing, doing yoga, getting fitter (less than 15% body fat.. woohoo!!) - chasing the best version of myself with all its glory and pitfalls.
Trying to make music. Trying to write my story.
Live every moment. That's what I am doing.
On the ship, I'd more or less know what I'm doing every day, every week, every month.
I know so much on land and yet in this much much bigger bubble, this huge ocean of people, information, activities, there is so much I don't know, so much I am discovering about myself everyday and that excites me.
I may not get that fixed pay check at the end of the month but the lives I touch, the celebrations I'm a part of, the shopping and getting to actually spend that money, the memories I CREATE - that excites me.
The ups and downs of life, sitting at Marine Drive watching the waves crash in - that excites me.
IT'S NOT NEARLY PERFECT, BUT THIS LIFE EXCITES ME.
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